Pout or Purpose?
Read a Sample From the Book
Below is an excerpt from Chapter 1:
"This is exactly what I need to make me smart! Well, smarter than I already am," exclaims Fixity Fox as he prints the numerous results from the site. Happy with his research, he grabs the results from his printer, jots down some notes, sketches some diagrams, and remembers to bookmark the Lonely Pig Dating Service website - just in case...
"I HAVE NO PURPOSE!"
Wails Pig, hoping Fox wouldn't leave.
Fox turns back and says, "Oh, you have no purpose, do you? Surely you're not serving any purpose in here. Coops are for chickens; not for other farm animals that happen to be having a bad hair day."
"But, but… I have problems!" Pig whimpers.
"Problems? Who doesn't have problems?" retorts Fox. "For example, take the cows out there in the pasture - there's a rumor going around that they've all gone stark-raving mad, but do you see them hiding in here with the chickens? No, they're out in the pasture where they belong, serving their purpose. So what problems do you have that could be so bad?"
Pig replies, "Everyone in my family is good at something but me. My father is president of the Porker's Compensation Commission. My mother heads up the local chapter of the woman's organization SOW. My sister won the blue ribbon at the spring fair yesterday for being the smartest pig in the county, and my brother is the best pig on the farm at finding truffles for the farmer to sell. My brother and sister told me this morning that because I don't do anything, I'm useless and don't have a purpose. That's why I'm never going back to the pen!"
"You mean you're in here squealing like a stuck pig for that?" Fox asks, annoyed. "What you mention is very easy to fix! If you come with me, I'll show you that all animals on this farm have a purpose - even a little runt like yourself!"
Pig lifts his head, and asks, "Do you have a purpose?"
Fox, never having thought about his purpose, puffs his chest, flips his tail, and states, "Of course I have a purpose. But, when you look as good as I do, you don't necessarily need one. Now, enough with the questions! I know exactly where a pig's purpose can be found."
Pig, happy for the attention, follows Fox out of the coop. Once outside, Fox charges toward Pig who screams, "Please, don't eat me!"
"Caught ya!" Fox exclaims as he snatches up a lost little chick from near Pig's hooves. "Silly swine, Foxes don't eat pork." Looking at his captive, Fox licks his lips and says inaudibly, "I prefer the other white meat."
But just as Fox is about to gobble up the little chick, Fox turns toward the terrified Pig, and remembering his grand plan, pats the chick on the head and releases it into the coop mumbling, "I'll catch you later." Fox faces Pig and says, "Besides, I would never eat a comrade. We shall serve each other, but not on a tray." They both watch the little chick scramble off. "Pig, I am here to help, and in return, I only ask two small favors."
"Anything, anything," responds Pig.
"First, you have to promise me that you will stay out of the chicken coop, never to return."
"But the chick--"
"No 'buts,' Pig! Secondly, if ever I am in the coop, you know, chatting with my feathered friends, and you see the farmer coming, you must grunt, grunt as loud as you can. You see, the farmer wishes to adorn his hideous wife with my beautiful fur."
"That's horrible!"
"Yes, Pig, it is. Now promise you will do that for me."
"I promise," says Pig sitting back on his bottom, clapping his hooves in excitement.
"Splendid, I am now your Life Improvement Consultant, and you are my client. I'm an expert at fixing problems, so call me Mr. Fixity Fox or Mr. Fox. And what shall I call you?"
"Wow, a 'client'! I've never been a client before!"
"Your name!" Fixity Fox barks.
"Oh, right! POUTING PIG! Everyone calls me Pouting Pig."
"Not necessarily a name to be proud of, but it will do. Now, Pork Chop-Chop! Time is of the essence. To my den! I mean, my office," orders Fixity Fox as he thinks to himself, "The sooner I placate this pesky Pig, the sooner I can begin marinating some nice-n-plump chicken that would make a certain Kentucky Colonel proud."
Pouting Pig springs up and follows Fixity Fox back to his office. Once there, Fixity Fox turns to Pouting Pig and says, "You wait outside while I get my consulting material. Meanwhile, I want you to write a list in the dirt of all that ails you."
"Ails me? What does that mean?"
"Write a list of what you were blabbering about back there in the coop." Fixity Fox turns away from Pouting Pig and goes into his den.
Once inside, Fixity Fox paces back and forth in his library searching for something, anything, he can use to help Pouting Pig. "Think, Fox, think!" Finally, sitting at his desk, Fixity Fox turns on his computer and opens his Foxfire web browser and enters, "How to Solve a Pig's Problems," and with a click of the mouse, thousands of answers to the query appear, including, of course, the occasional sordid listing:
527,437 Web Results Found:
1. No Longer Afraid: Memoirs of the Three Little… "No,"
2. Stammer No More: A Porky P… "No,"
3. This Little Piggy Got Some: A Lonely Pig Dating Service "Hmmm… This is interesting… No, NO!"
Fixity Fox scrolls down the page, opening and closing a list of seemingly endless web pages. Finally, he sees something promising from the Crafty Consultant Website:
420. Out Fox 'em Every Time! Crafty Consultant Tips to Fix Any Problem
Fixity Fox browses a summary of the result:
Fox turns back and says, "Oh, you have no purpose, do you? Surely you're not serving any purpose in here. Coops are for chickens; not for other farm animals that happen to be having a bad hair day."
"But, but… I have problems!" Pig whimpers.
"Problems? Who doesn't have problems?" retorts Fox. "For example, take the cows out there in the pasture - there's a rumor going around that they've all gone stark-raving mad, but do you see them hiding in here with the chickens? No, they're out in the pasture where they belong, serving their purpose. So what problems do you have that could be so bad?"
Pig replies, "Everyone in my family is good at something but me. My father is president of the Porker's Compensation Commission. My mother heads up the local chapter of the woman's organization SOW. My sister won the blue ribbon at the spring fair yesterday for being the smartest pig in the county, and my brother is the best pig on the farm at finding truffles for the farmer to sell. My brother and sister told me this morning that because I don't do anything, I'm useless and don't have a purpose. That's why I'm never going back to the pen!"
"You mean you're in here squealing like a stuck pig for that?" Fox asks, annoyed. "What you mention is very easy to fix! If you come with me, I'll show you that all animals on this farm have a purpose - even a little runt like yourself!"
Pig lifts his head, and asks, "Do you have a purpose?"
Fox, never having thought about his purpose, puffs his chest, flips his tail, and states, "Of course I have a purpose. But, when you look as good as I do, you don't necessarily need one. Now, enough with the questions! I know exactly where a pig's purpose can be found."
Pig, happy for the attention, follows Fox out of the coop. Once outside, Fox charges toward Pig who screams, "Please, don't eat me!"
"Caught ya!" Fox exclaims as he snatches up a lost little chick from near Pig's hooves. "Silly swine, Foxes don't eat pork." Looking at his captive, Fox licks his lips and says inaudibly, "I prefer the other white meat."
But just as Fox is about to gobble up the little chick, Fox turns toward the terrified Pig, and remembering his grand plan, pats the chick on the head and releases it into the coop mumbling, "I'll catch you later." Fox faces Pig and says, "Besides, I would never eat a comrade. We shall serve each other, but not on a tray." They both watch the little chick scramble off. "Pig, I am here to help, and in return, I only ask two small favors."
"Anything, anything," responds Pig.
"First, you have to promise me that you will stay out of the chicken coop, never to return."
"But the chick--"
"No 'buts,' Pig! Secondly, if ever I am in the coop, you know, chatting with my feathered friends, and you see the farmer coming, you must grunt, grunt as loud as you can. You see, the farmer wishes to adorn his hideous wife with my beautiful fur."
"That's horrible!"
"Yes, Pig, it is. Now promise you will do that for me."
"I promise," says Pig sitting back on his bottom, clapping his hooves in excitement.
"Splendid, I am now your Life Improvement Consultant, and you are my client. I'm an expert at fixing problems, so call me Mr. Fixity Fox or Mr. Fox. And what shall I call you?"
"Wow, a 'client'! I've never been a client before!"
"Your name!" Fixity Fox barks.
"Oh, right! POUTING PIG! Everyone calls me Pouting Pig."
"Not necessarily a name to be proud of, but it will do. Now, Pork Chop-Chop! Time is of the essence. To my den! I mean, my office," orders Fixity Fox as he thinks to himself, "The sooner I placate this pesky Pig, the sooner I can begin marinating some nice-n-plump chicken that would make a certain Kentucky Colonel proud."
Pouting Pig springs up and follows Fixity Fox back to his office. Once there, Fixity Fox turns to Pouting Pig and says, "You wait outside while I get my consulting material. Meanwhile, I want you to write a list in the dirt of all that ails you."
"Ails me? What does that mean?"
"Write a list of what you were blabbering about back there in the coop." Fixity Fox turns away from Pouting Pig and goes into his den.
Once inside, Fixity Fox paces back and forth in his library searching for something, anything, he can use to help Pouting Pig. "Think, Fox, think!" Finally, sitting at his desk, Fixity Fox turns on his computer and opens his Foxfire web browser and enters, "How to Solve a Pig's Problems," and with a click of the mouse, thousands of answers to the query appear, including, of course, the occasional sordid listing:
527,437 Web Results Found:
1. No Longer Afraid: Memoirs of the Three Little… "No,"
2. Stammer No More: A Porky P… "No,"
3. This Little Piggy Got Some: A Lonely Pig Dating Service "Hmmm… This is interesting… No, NO!"
Fixity Fox scrolls down the page, opening and closing a list of seemingly endless web pages. Finally, he sees something promising from the Crafty Consultant Website:
420. Out Fox 'em Every Time! Crafty Consultant Tips to Fix Any Problem
Fixity Fox browses a summary of the result:
How consultants can solve any client's problems: Do some quick research, create an approach with fancy graphics, use impressive sounding consultant terms, talk to some experts (the ones who really know the answers), take credit, and fake the rest!
"This is exactly what I need to make me smart! Well, smarter than I already am," exclaims Fixity Fox as he prints the numerous results from the site. Happy with his research, he grabs the results from his printer, jots down some notes, sketches some diagrams, and remembers to bookmark the Lonely Pig Dating Service website - just in case...
Copyright 2005: K.C. Fox Publishing
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